So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
