My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Randomize
