So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
as a side note pls kill me
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
