i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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