turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
