awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
