Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
