So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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