U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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