he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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