yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
whose parrot is this?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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