Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
