Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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