He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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