how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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