and next time when you feel me up, do it right
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
