Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
