if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
