just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
