I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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