Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
