I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I wish they made helmets for livers.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
