Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Dear god my vagina.
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