so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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