I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
