I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
We're using joints as your birthday candles
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
