Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
