So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
