I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
