Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
