its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
don't judge my taste in strippers
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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