like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
