I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
