I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
