I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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