that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize