you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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