i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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