No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
