singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
