I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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