next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
