he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
