I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
