My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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