You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
