Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
