I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
you had me at cake vodka
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
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