??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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