She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
