Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
