I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
