I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
