He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
