My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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