My friends, they love my intelligence
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize