Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
