3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
