There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize