I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
