There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Let's paint friendship bongs
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
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