I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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