Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
