You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
