Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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