What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
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