new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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