he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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