Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Randomize
