You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
