Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
