So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
