Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
