So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
