i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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