I think im going to throw up on grandma
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
