Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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