i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize