Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
