I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
