Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize