im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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