she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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