I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
