I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
