Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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