Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
