Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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