My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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