Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
