I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
