Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
